Nice. The play by play football drama was really good and held my attention. Maybe you could explore writing this stuff for middle schoolers and high schoolers. Thanks for sharing.
This is good, but feels a little like a draft or even a proposal for a much longer book. I think it's trying to do a bit too much, unless you want to try for more poetic compression. So there's a lot of what does football mean when all the other smart kids, etc., and why turn Claire into a slut -- seems gratuitous. Might make sense in a novel. But this, at least, isn't that. The football itself is good. The tension between different conceptions of "manly" in these United States is good, but needs more . . . anyway, good en route to being much better. To "be gentle," and keep up the good work.
Thanks for the feedback. Pretty much the first bit of fiction I ever wrote so I wasn’t expecting much. The Claire thing isn’t meant to be that. It’s just that people have full lives outside of what you experience directly with them and making assumptions about a given situation can lead to getting hurt or surprised.
I definitely could have added more details but cut a bunch for space. Interesting to think I could have taken it further and cut more.
Nice. The play by play football drama was really good and held my attention. Maybe you could explore writing this stuff for middle schoolers and high schoolers. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for reading and for the feedback!
This is good, but feels a little like a draft or even a proposal for a much longer book. I think it's trying to do a bit too much, unless you want to try for more poetic compression. So there's a lot of what does football mean when all the other smart kids, etc., and why turn Claire into a slut -- seems gratuitous. Might make sense in a novel. But this, at least, isn't that. The football itself is good. The tension between different conceptions of "manly" in these United States is good, but needs more . . . anyway, good en route to being much better. To "be gentle," and keep up the good work.
Thanks for the feedback. Pretty much the first bit of fiction I ever wrote so I wasn’t expecting much. The Claire thing isn’t meant to be that. It’s just that people have full lives outside of what you experience directly with them and making assumptions about a given situation can lead to getting hurt or surprised.
I definitely could have added more details but cut a bunch for space. Interesting to think I could have taken it further and cut more.