Peter, thanks for writing this. Feel blessed to have found this today. Doubt I’ll make it to stations at 3 but I’ll think about God and the church in a much better light having read this post. Great idea for Lent too, I need to borrow that one myself, and not wait another year either.
Had a few beats in this that made me laugh heartily. I hadn’t seen “everything’s computer” before. I’ll cherish the reality that I heard it here first while reading this piece. And wise choice to not tell the full origin story of your return to mass because of The Northman. “No, babe, the fire is a symbol for the fire inside, and they’re not really wolves, it’s like the host, if we believe we’re wolves, the transubstantiation…” 😆
Sincere best of luck to you and your wife with your son. Wasn’t sure if that’s your first but congratulations either way. Look forward to reading more of your stuff.
Really fantastic piece. I am Jewish, but have had a somewhat similar trajectory and wholeheartedly agree with your "big swing". In my opinion there is also something profoundly sad, or maybe just missing, in raising children and building a family solely on a faith of scientific inquiry/optimization buttressed by Reddit Atheism (great phrase).
And a huge congratulations!! Wishing nothing but the best. The pull to create dad comedy/social media content may be strong, monitor that pull with the utmost discernment.
Great post. I find myself in a similar position. Lifelong strong atheist, immersed in the new Atheism movement, it was a strong part of my identity. Raised Catholic by non-believing parents for private schooling reasons, I gave up as soon as I was old enough to think for myself.
Then, last year I had a 'road to Damascus' moment. In my time of need it looked like my life was over, with incredibly long odds to make it out. I prayed to Christ. I don't know why I did it, I just did, knowing it was hopeless and I was a dead man. These were some long, long odds. Something I didn't deserve to be saved from. Against all these odds, I was saved. Something like this can profoundly change you.
One thing I've noticed is that lifelong adherents largely don't understand me and come from a completely different perspective on some things. I lean toward doctrinal 'purity' whereas most lifelong adherents seem to want to attract the world. I am suspicious of infant baptism. It's hard to be an Arminian when you're saved through the grace of God.
The core message of Christ is also very important to me. The contrast between His message and the Church in practice is baffling to me. Reading the 4 gospels, it could not be clearer. I have a feeling a lot of Churches would actually scream for the release of Barnabas if given the choice. The core message can seem lost at times. One thing they all seem to have in common is wealth. If charity is done at all then it's done very publicly. These things rub me the wrong way.
I've told myself that this year will be my year in the wilderness, trying out churches and denominations, rigorously living up as best I can to His message, and studying Church history as well as the Bible. It's going well, I have found some churches with really great people and buildings, and some with really great doctrine. Rarely do the two mix.
Anyway, great post and I noticed a lot of my own story in yours.
Oh man, happy to hear you made it out the other end of that. The power of the belief does feel extremely personal. Finding a way to outwardly express and share it is the hardest part. I'm glad things seem to be working out for you.
I have the same trajectory. Religious family as a kid who only knew it as rules. Graduation from college in 2008 as fully new atheist. Along the journey certain things jumped out at me as I heard a scripture here and there. One example was a mocking tone said about this passage in Genesis:
"And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.”
God's question: where are you? Is like when your wife will say "you're not here" as you stand in front of her. It is God saying out loud that there is now separation between man and he.
Returning to the prodigal son it states:
"So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate."
These two scriptures together sealed my conversion. I had just learned who God was as "I am" or "being" itself. This idea that being itself can wish for attachment to us as part of it is so beautiful. There is depth there that goes and goes and goes. I never rejected the scientific approach to the raw facts of the material world but I found there is more than that.
Honestly my favorite part of the entire experience so far is seeing how much you can say with so little words. So much gets packed into just a few verses.
This piece really resonated with me, esp when you describe being in church and not even thinking about your phone. I became quasi-Shabbos observant 4 years ago (by which I mean I turn off my phone for the entirety of the day), and at first it was real hard going. But now, my entire week is restructured around that oasis. Over time, a great well of peacefullness built up inside me, and even during the week I ignore my phone for long periods, instead noticing shit like the sparrows fighting over breadcrumbs and the leaves in the wind.
I don't know that I could have gotten a similar mindfulness from anything -but- religion, honestly -- were it Judaism or a white guy appropriation of Buddhism. A part of it is certainly the timeline you mentioned. When I interact with Judaism, I learn about a whole civilization underpinning the last 3,000 years of history, and not only that, but how to join that grand thread. There's simply nothing like that on Reddit.
Thanks for reading, I’m glad to hear this resonated. It truly does feel like all of these ancient things are the real path to a sense of peace. Modern life is fun and full of a lot of delights, but so much of it is just noise.
I had somewhat the opposite experience. I grew up without any religion, then found it in my 20s and 30s, but eventually shifted away from it again. I think we go through phases in life where we need to circle back to things, and as I get older, it’s likely something I’ll turn to again.
I'm glad you're finding value in it. I also went back to church, but for a different reason. My parent's entire social circle is there, and the church abandoned them to Facebook live during the plandemic. It was on me to bring them back.
Christianity is a deeply subversive belief system. It led to the fall of Rome. As a Christian you believe things such as:
1. God chose the Jews first.
2. God gave the Jews Israel.
3. Christ will return when the NWO is established.
Am I spiritual? Yes. Do I see Christianity as something working in my interest? No.
Ugh this ending is so moving, I’m so glad your priest was so kind to you.
Awesome story, welcome back indeed! May our faith in Christ grow❤️
Penance was great too. Had to thank God for my faith and say an Our Father. Felt excellent afterwards.
Peter, thanks for writing this. Feel blessed to have found this today. Doubt I’ll make it to stations at 3 but I’ll think about God and the church in a much better light having read this post. Great idea for Lent too, I need to borrow that one myself, and not wait another year either.
Had a few beats in this that made me laugh heartily. I hadn’t seen “everything’s computer” before. I’ll cherish the reality that I heard it here first while reading this piece. And wise choice to not tell the full origin story of your return to mass because of The Northman. “No, babe, the fire is a symbol for the fire inside, and they’re not really wolves, it’s like the host, if we believe we’re wolves, the transubstantiation…” 😆
Sincere best of luck to you and your wife with your son. Wasn’t sure if that’s your first but congratulations either way. Look forward to reading more of your stuff.
It is our first, we’re very exited! Thank you for reading and for the kind words. I hope you have a great and meaningful Easter weekend.
You too! Peace be with you. 👊
Really fantastic piece. I am Jewish, but have had a somewhat similar trajectory and wholeheartedly agree with your "big swing". In my opinion there is also something profoundly sad, or maybe just missing, in raising children and building a family solely on a faith of scientific inquiry/optimization buttressed by Reddit Atheism (great phrase).
And a huge congratulations!! Wishing nothing but the best. The pull to create dad comedy/social media content may be strong, monitor that pull with the utmost discernment.
“FELLAS, THE DAMN KIDS AND THE WIFE, AMIRITE!?!?”
Thanks buddy. Definitely going to do my best to ground the kid in real world lived experiences. The world makes the opposite too easy.
Great post. I find myself in a similar position. Lifelong strong atheist, immersed in the new Atheism movement, it was a strong part of my identity. Raised Catholic by non-believing parents for private schooling reasons, I gave up as soon as I was old enough to think for myself.
Then, last year I had a 'road to Damascus' moment. In my time of need it looked like my life was over, with incredibly long odds to make it out. I prayed to Christ. I don't know why I did it, I just did, knowing it was hopeless and I was a dead man. These were some long, long odds. Something I didn't deserve to be saved from. Against all these odds, I was saved. Something like this can profoundly change you.
One thing I've noticed is that lifelong adherents largely don't understand me and come from a completely different perspective on some things. I lean toward doctrinal 'purity' whereas most lifelong adherents seem to want to attract the world. I am suspicious of infant baptism. It's hard to be an Arminian when you're saved through the grace of God.
The core message of Christ is also very important to me. The contrast between His message and the Church in practice is baffling to me. Reading the 4 gospels, it could not be clearer. I have a feeling a lot of Churches would actually scream for the release of Barnabas if given the choice. The core message can seem lost at times. One thing they all seem to have in common is wealth. If charity is done at all then it's done very publicly. These things rub me the wrong way.
I've told myself that this year will be my year in the wilderness, trying out churches and denominations, rigorously living up as best I can to His message, and studying Church history as well as the Bible. It's going well, I have found some churches with really great people and buildings, and some with really great doctrine. Rarely do the two mix.
Anyway, great post and I noticed a lot of my own story in yours.
Oh man, happy to hear you made it out the other end of that. The power of the belief does feel extremely personal. Finding a way to outwardly express and share it is the hardest part. I'm glad things seem to be working out for you.
I have the same trajectory. Religious family as a kid who only knew it as rules. Graduation from college in 2008 as fully new atheist. Along the journey certain things jumped out at me as I heard a scripture here and there. One example was a mocking tone said about this passage in Genesis:
"And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.”
God's question: where are you? Is like when your wife will say "you're not here" as you stand in front of her. It is God saying out loud that there is now separation between man and he.
Returning to the prodigal son it states:
"So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate."
These two scriptures together sealed my conversion. I had just learned who God was as "I am" or "being" itself. This idea that being itself can wish for attachment to us as part of it is so beautiful. There is depth there that goes and goes and goes. I never rejected the scientific approach to the raw facts of the material world but I found there is more than that.
Honestly my favorite part of the entire experience so far is seeing how much you can say with so little words. So much gets packed into just a few verses.
Very nice essay. Welcome back.
Thanks, happy to be back.
This piece really resonated with me, esp when you describe being in church and not even thinking about your phone. I became quasi-Shabbos observant 4 years ago (by which I mean I turn off my phone for the entirety of the day), and at first it was real hard going. But now, my entire week is restructured around that oasis. Over time, a great well of peacefullness built up inside me, and even during the week I ignore my phone for long periods, instead noticing shit like the sparrows fighting over breadcrumbs and the leaves in the wind.
I don't know that I could have gotten a similar mindfulness from anything -but- religion, honestly -- were it Judaism or a white guy appropriation of Buddhism. A part of it is certainly the timeline you mentioned. When I interact with Judaism, I learn about a whole civilization underpinning the last 3,000 years of history, and not only that, but how to join that grand thread. There's simply nothing like that on Reddit.
Thanks for reading, I’m glad to hear this resonated. It truly does feel like all of these ancient things are the real path to a sense of peace. Modern life is fun and full of a lot of delights, but so much of it is just noise.
Excellent- I’ve had a similar experience myself.
Thanks for reading. It’s difficult to put a transcendent experience into words, I’m glad to hear it resonated.
I had somewhat the opposite experience. I grew up without any religion, then found it in my 20s and 30s, but eventually shifted away from it again. I think we go through phases in life where we need to circle back to things, and as I get older, it’s likely something I’ll turn to again.
The good thing is, it’ll always be there.
You’re right - it’s not going anywhere :)
I'm glad you're finding value in it. I also went back to church, but for a different reason. My parent's entire social circle is there, and the church abandoned them to Facebook live during the plandemic. It was on me to bring them back.
Christianity is a deeply subversive belief system. It led to the fall of Rome. As a Christian you believe things such as:
1. God chose the Jews first.
2. God gave the Jews Israel.
3. Christ will return when the NWO is established.
Am I spiritual? Yes. Do I see Christianity as something working in my interest? No.