Update about a month and a half out from this post: It's not going well!
Time isn't really my biggest obstacle when it comes to writing. I can brute force any schedule I need to within a reasonable window. The real issue is energy and inspiration. When I sit down to write, I can't think of anything interesting that I want to say. My other obligations eat up a lot of mental bandwidth, and writing gets the meager leftovers.
At this point, I think I need to sit back and wait until I'm struck with an idea that I'm strongly compelled to get out, that I NEED to write about or it feels like my skin is crawling with bugs. I haven't felt that way in a few months, but I'm sure it will return at some point. Until then...
So, basically, you're saying you hated the ending to "La La Land"? 😆 Seriously, though, another great read, Peter. That balance is certainly hard, as I've had to learn with one kid turning into three, but it's not impossible.
Haha oh man, I never thought of it that way. I always viewed that ending as more of a “not meant to be” commentary on their relationship. But yeah now those theoretical montage kids don’t exist. Tragic.
As the lone fan of La La Land in my home (my wife loathes that film), I viewed the end as a parable, sort of, of the “cost” of pursuing your dreams. There are themes of self-interest in there, to be sure. But, ultimately, both of the main characters understood what they could have had and might have had, had they not pursued what they wanted above everything else.
"There is no more sombre enemy of good art than the pram in the hall."
- Cyril Connolly, Enemies of Promise (1938)
On the one hand, I think the experience of parenthood can inform and deepen just about anybody's creative practice.
On the other hand, there are only twenty-four hours in a day, most people need to spend seven of them sleeping, and kids inevitably screw with both those seven hours and large chunks of the remaining seventeen. So it's a mixed bag.
“Or maybe, just maybe, people lean on that myth because it’s convenient. It looks like sacrifice but in reality it’s nothing but indulgence.”
Peter, I love this essay. I love how you question whether it is noble/ only possible to be “dedicated” in a Marty-type singular way. I do feel like the “I don’t have bandwidth” or the inability to have more than one focus is more about that specific person not wanting to focus on anything else. Thanks for the great read!
I live in a little rural hollow about an hour from a small creative city where it seems 1 out of every 3 Dad's I meet is an "almost made it" musician now in his mid-40s. I feel like I could make a new field of sociology studying which ones seem to be the most well-adjusted. Land is cheap out here compared to the inner ring 'burbs so it attracted those that had day jobs well beneath their bandwidth so they could still be in a band well into their 30s.
I don't have any answers. It feels like those that have been willing to be flexible to play with less talented people or in less than ideal venues just to jam with people have stayed the most sane (and kept playing music) and are the least resentful about their gift and how they used it. And, naturally, come across as the most well-adjusted but this could be a chicken and egg thing where naturally *less intense* creatives are more well-adjusted people regardless of what they are or are not doing with their time.
But then some sickos that really almost made it, and are actually insanely talented, don't even look at their instruments. They are usually the type that have to have it their way up there. And are more binary in terms of what success means in almost every facet of life.
Another thing I noticed though is those that can monetize *just a little bit* can go about their hobby in some peace. I don't know what this is - like $50 a gig - but it's enough where they can sorta get back to their wives at 2am in the morning and things are still good. I guess picking up a little gas money acts as a pretty major psychological buffer against feeling guilty/worthless as a family man out late on a weekend and this can help sustain their practice.
I don't really know where I'm going with this. I was mainly just amused that "almost made it musicians" is a big enough type in my town that I feel like I can weigh in on creatives in mid life and beyond. Thanks for the article.
Update about a month and a half out from this post: It's not going well!
Time isn't really my biggest obstacle when it comes to writing. I can brute force any schedule I need to within a reasonable window. The real issue is energy and inspiration. When I sit down to write, I can't think of anything interesting that I want to say. My other obligations eat up a lot of mental bandwidth, and writing gets the meager leftovers.
At this point, I think I need to sit back and wait until I'm struck with an idea that I'm strongly compelled to get out, that I NEED to write about or it feels like my skin is crawling with bugs. I haven't felt that way in a few months, but I'm sure it will return at some point. Until then...
So, basically, you're saying you hated the ending to "La La Land"? 😆 Seriously, though, another great read, Peter. That balance is certainly hard, as I've had to learn with one kid turning into three, but it's not impossible.
Haha oh man, I never thought of it that way. I always viewed that ending as more of a “not meant to be” commentary on their relationship. But yeah now those theoretical montage kids don’t exist. Tragic.
As the lone fan of La La Land in my home (my wife loathes that film), I viewed the end as a parable, sort of, of the “cost” of pursuing your dreams. There are themes of self-interest in there, to be sure. But, ultimately, both of the main characters understood what they could have had and might have had, had they not pursued what they wanted above everything else.
Those nods at the end were very loaded.
"There is no more sombre enemy of good art than the pram in the hall."
- Cyril Connolly, Enemies of Promise (1938)
On the one hand, I think the experience of parenthood can inform and deepen just about anybody's creative practice.
On the other hand, there are only twenty-four hours in a day, most people need to spend seven of them sleeping, and kids inevitably screw with both those seven hours and large chunks of the remaining seventeen. So it's a mixed bag.
Trying my hardest to unmix that bag!
“Or maybe, just maybe, people lean on that myth because it’s convenient. It looks like sacrifice but in reality it’s nothing but indulgence.”
Peter, I love this essay. I love how you question whether it is noble/ only possible to be “dedicated” in a Marty-type singular way. I do feel like the “I don’t have bandwidth” or the inability to have more than one focus is more about that specific person not wanting to focus on anything else. Thanks for the great read!
Thank you. Now comes the hard part, actually finding the bandwidth to do all of these things.
It's cope, as the kids say: https://alexanderkaplan.substack.com/p/fuck-ups
All the way down
I live in a little rural hollow about an hour from a small creative city where it seems 1 out of every 3 Dad's I meet is an "almost made it" musician now in his mid-40s. I feel like I could make a new field of sociology studying which ones seem to be the most well-adjusted. Land is cheap out here compared to the inner ring 'burbs so it attracted those that had day jobs well beneath their bandwidth so they could still be in a band well into their 30s.
I don't have any answers. It feels like those that have been willing to be flexible to play with less talented people or in less than ideal venues just to jam with people have stayed the most sane (and kept playing music) and are the least resentful about their gift and how they used it. And, naturally, come across as the most well-adjusted but this could be a chicken and egg thing where naturally *less intense* creatives are more well-adjusted people regardless of what they are or are not doing with their time.
But then some sickos that really almost made it, and are actually insanely talented, don't even look at their instruments. They are usually the type that have to have it their way up there. And are more binary in terms of what success means in almost every facet of life.
Another thing I noticed though is those that can monetize *just a little bit* can go about their hobby in some peace. I don't know what this is - like $50 a gig - but it's enough where they can sorta get back to their wives at 2am in the morning and things are still good. I guess picking up a little gas money acts as a pretty major psychological buffer against feeling guilty/worthless as a family man out late on a weekend and this can help sustain their practice.
I don't really know where I'm going with this. I was mainly just amused that "almost made it musicians" is a big enough type in my town that I feel like I can weigh in on creatives in mid life and beyond. Thanks for the article.
I’m sure there’s some self-selection involved. I can’t wait to get out of the city and become (I hope) one of these well-adjusted dads.